her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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