he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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