Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
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