hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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