if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
