I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
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my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
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When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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