was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
