hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
