I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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