youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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