my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I love you. Go after that dick
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