I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize