Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
whose parrot is this?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They are going to name an STD after you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
