VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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