Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He felt like a one man threesome
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
