There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
