I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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