HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's never too late to be topless.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
