glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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