Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
