We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
