I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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