Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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