"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
