I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
