You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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