You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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