Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just pee around me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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