she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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