she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just want nice things and good sex
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
