it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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