My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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