i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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