the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
