That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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