Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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