seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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