check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
