Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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