I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
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He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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