I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
