Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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