note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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