Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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