$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
