booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
