That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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