cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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