shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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