You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
