I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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