yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
