oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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