someone get that fucking seahorse.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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