I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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