the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
