Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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