Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
