We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
