so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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