I got chris browned last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
