She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
