I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
